Depth of Knowing

The doctor took one look at the baby and said “She doesn’t look sick” but I knew she had an ear infection. In fact, upon examination he couldn’t believe how badly both ears were infected yet she seemed fine, if you didn’t know her.

Just as I knew that–after visiting my PCP for months claiming– something wasn’t right, to the point where, on my last visit with him I stated–as noted in my chart-“Patient feels as though there is a tumor growing in her body, reassured her.”  Well no, he didn’t, in fact he tried redirecting me to psych. I went back again– after I found the tumor. Maybe if I had taken his word for it, as did my mom by accepting her doctor’s reassurance, I would have suffered the same fate.

It seemed like my children were always sick, understandably considering they went to different schools and an after-school program, therefore were exposed to everything. While undergoing chemo I had to take extra precautions so I decided I wanted to find a really good children’s multivitamin. At one of their annual physicals, maybe six years later, I inquired when our last “sick” visit was. The doctor stared at the chart for a while, then told me the date and said that whatever we were doing, keep doing it.

I knew something else was wrong. More cancer and many months of doctors trying to reassure me until one finally had the sense to biopsy. This was the big one. The kind that often goes undiagnosed for years, not months, so I was very lucky and my persistence paid off.

One of my surgeries didn’t take well and I had a big gaping hole in my body. The skin around it kept turning black and I had to visit the surgeon often to remove all the dead skin. It was scary and utterly disgusting so I’ll spare you from the gory stuff. After weeks of this he informed me that we would have to schedule a surgery to try and repair. He gave me one more week to come back, so he could assess and decided his surgical approach. I left and decided to take matters in my own hands and when I came back a week later, he couldn’t believe his eyes as he ran to get a camera. While not completely unheard of, yet extremely rare, I was growing new skin from the black dead skin. He asked what I was doing and when I told him, he just said, “Well whatever that is, keep it up”.

For seven years I knew something was wrong with my thyroid yet my blood tests were always in the normal range.  I even said that maybe my normal is different from what they consider normal. Finally a doctor heard me and ordered a test I never heard of. Normal is 0-20 and I came in at 2,795. I was dx with Hashimotos, an autoimmune disease of the thyroid. I asked what this means and was told that while I measure in the normal range for standard thyroid hormone levels , my normal is different and we should focus on getting it close to zero.

While I could cite many more examples of my just knowing things, this is not about right or wrong. I don’t know everything but when I do know, I just know. It’s a depth of knowing that I can’t put into words and a feeling that just nags until I act on it.

Well I have this feeling now. What I spent years piecing together makes sense so how can I get someone in the position to help–to take me seriously?

Do we really want to gamble with the fate of so many lives? Does anyone want to bet on me?

Why Me?

My family was considered middle class until my mom’s health began to decline. It began in my childhood with her diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis and ended with her passing away ten years later–the start of my adulthood– from breast cancer.

Through my entire childhood, I watched helplessly as my mom struggled with her declining health. She knew something was wrong since the day she gave birth to me in an elevator. Multiple Sclerosis limited her movement, speech and thinking and eventually cancer began to feed off her body-yet she was determined to live and find the answers.

In 1987, shortly before she passed away, she sat amongst a room full of Harvard Medical School students, intent on sharing the wisdom she accumulated the previous nine years. Her focus that day was to ingrain– into these young minds-the relevance of the mind/body connection. She urged them, that while a patient might have a disease of the body, it was just as important to address the whole person-body and mind-in order to heal.

It was one of the largest funerals I’ve ever seen and I stood on the podium to read a poem I wrote. The words still echo in my head, especially this excerpt:

“Mother I love you, I’m sure that you know

I’ll be thinking about you, wherever I go

Understand why you left us? That, I do not.

I know there’s a reason. I’ll give it more thought.

Rest assured! I’ll find it! It may take a while.

For now, I’ll be brave and think about you and smile”

I’ve been having- what I can only describe as- spontaneous epiphanies since childhood. I was born with a high level of empathy, a burning desire to learn, a keen sense of direction and the innate ability to: identify problems, view them from varying perspective and utilize my original thinking to solve them. My sights were on Ivy League. There was always this sense that I was put on this earth to make a significant contribution for the greater good.

I experienced a profound, spontaneous epiphany in 1994 while watching TV. We have access to any and all resources needed for everything–in nature–and whatever wasn’t found around us could be found within us. All the resources are provided; it’s just a matter of putting the pieces together.

In hindsight, I now realize the universe was nudging me into going back to school and then on to medical school. My son was one at the time and I chose to continue working my way, from the ground up, in the finance industry. Six years later, I was diagnosed with an invasive and very aggressive form of Breast Cancer.

I managed to prevail through that experience, catching two early stage melanomas along the way and I sure did learn a lot but I went right back into my normal routine, not realizing that by doing this, I was again, veering off my destined path of taking the pieces I’ve accumulated and paying it forward.

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is: What are you doing for others?” MLK Jr.

Two years later (2003) I received my biggest wake-up call that shook me to the core. I was diagnosed with an extremely rare and deadly form of cancer, known as Angiosarcoma. I was a single mom with two small children, faced with a battle with the unknown. Very little information was available and there were no standard methods of treating this disease. With no guidelines to follow, no long term survivors to consult with, I found myself in the driver’s seat having to utilize my internal compass to navigate down roads yet to be travelled. The time came where I had to call upon my epiphany from 1994 and get to work.

I wanted to live for my children’s sake but I’m also not afraid of dying. My fight to remain on this earth was driven by and intense passion of finding a way to complete my purpose. Sometimes obstacles are not meant to be overcome, but exist to redirect.

Angiosarcoma (AS) harbors the worst prognosis with a 5-year over-all survival rate  of less than 30%. To remain NED (no evidence of disease) for five years would be a miracle.

Yesterday was my 11^th anniversary of NED.

I am not alive as a result of a divine miracle. I am alive because I had a choice: to travel the road exclusively from the traditional medical approach– or– to find additional modalities, with which to integrate and form a balanced approach. I knew the resources were available and it was a matter of finding the pieces and putting them together. The clock was ticking and my life depended on it.

While I could have spent the last eleven years rebuilding my life in corporate America, seeking ways toward personal financial gain, conforming to society’s standards, I instead, sacrificed much by dedicating my remaining time on this earth seeking solutions for my fellow man.

“With great sacrifice comes great reward”. Napoleon Hill

Our nation is in crisis, health and financial, physical and emotional, individual and collective.There are not enough able-bodied individuals contributing to society.

My Objective: To demonstrate how to restore the physical and emotional health of most every individual by bringing awareness to the resources we need and how to integrate Eastern and Western Medicine. I would like the opportunity to prove that not only can this be accomplished, but how significantly it will cut costs to our nation, individually and collectively, thereby restoring our economy.

On December 6, 2013, after experiencing a worsening of lower back pain, I decided to seek help. My condition didn’t warrant a visit to the ER so it was just a matter of deciding to call my PCP or Chiropractor.

I called my Chiro’s office and they fit me in. The doctor recognized that my spine alignment didn’t warrant the level of pain I was experiencing and suggested I agree to a “sick” NRT( Nutrition Response Testing) visit. The testing revealed that I had an immune challenge involving my right kidney and my body tested for a supplement that would restore balance. Fifteen minutes later I left her office with a whole-food supplement and two days later I was brand new.

No health insurance was involved. Office Visit: $25.00 Supplement $11.00 Total 36.00

My health insurance is Medicare and Mass. Health.

Had I gone to my PCP, Office visit: $367.00 Labs (urine and blood est.) $200.00 Ultrasound (est.)$470.00   Possible CT (est.) between $3,000.00-5,000.00 and RX cost (unknown). Total minimum 1,000.00, Max 6,000.00.

I’m gathering patient examples from all ends of the spectrum but to cite one other example: I know a patient who was on dialysis. Once you’re on it, you stay on unless you receive a transplant or until you die. This patient did not receive a transplant, nor did he die yet he is not on dialysis any more.

While my focus is on NRT, there are many pieces to the puzzle and I worked very hard putting them together. I can’t live with this knowledge and not put it to good use.

Long ago the foundation was set but there came a time where it began to crumble– yet we continue to build upon this unstable foundation. It’s time to repair. It’s time to restore.

Out of the realm of possibilities for solutions and finding someone qualified to offer them begs the question: Why me?

Well why not me?

“If we continue to think like we’ve always thought, we’ll continue to get what we’ve always got”

While I possess so many passions, all involving ways to be of service, I struggled to decide where to put my focus. I’d always hoped that I would know when I knew.

 As the poem that I read at my mom’s funeral states, “I know there’s a reason. I’ll give it more thought. Rest Assured! I’ll find it!”

I’m going to finish what my mom started. I now know.

Beyond Reason

I always knew that science and spirituality are connected. I came across this documentary last night and it left me feeling: valid.

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/beyond-reason/

W.L.L

Rant part 1 Preface

About that rant I'm destined to unleash regarding current events, the following disclosure can be considered my preface:

I've been oblivious when it comes to– what many consider to be– topics of importance for most of my life. I'm not proud of this nor am I to admit that I despise anything politics.

It's pretty ugly right now, the state of our world- and- my rant, as it currently exists. I'm trying to harness it in and hope to offer a calmer demeanor–but I won't make promises I can't keep.

Stay tuned.

W.L.L

We the People

We seem to be forgetting BY the people,

 expecting everything FOR the people. We

 are the people, people! 

How can we expect to BE HEARD if we

don't start speaking up, rather than

 bitching about everything hoping 

someone else will fix it.

 Find your passion and get out there!!

Today's Wisdom (1)

NATURE: Where it all began.

Where beauty resides and resources abound

 Where comfort can be sought and found

Nurturing, nourishing, and inspiring– essence of love

Truly a gift– from above.

©Wendy Lerman

Clarity.

My mom's Oncologist asked her to speak in front of some Harvard Medical students in 1987,three months before she passed away. When I watched the video last year I learned things about her I never knew. Despite not having the resources (especially the internet) she was on to something huge and she was determined to open the eyes of: the medical community and cancer patients. I know for sure that had she lived longer, she would have discovered the rest of the missing pieces and found a way to prove what she knew for the benefit of mankind. "Coincidentally" my own journey led me to the same conclusions(and then some) fueling the same passion and determination to open some eyes. Discovering all of this about my mom in hindsight completely blows my mind, making it extremely clear what I was put on this earth to do.

Here is one of the excerpts from the video where she so emphatically states:
"As far as I'm concerned, doctor's play a very important part. Cancer is not just a physical illness, it's also emotional and it affects everybody. I'm telling you, anyone undergoing any treatment for cancer needs someone who can treat, not only the physical side, the emotional side too. That's just as important!"

I think it's fitting to include one of my archived blog postings. The Reason.
http://wendylerman.blogspot.com/2010_02_01_archive.html

With love and light,

W.L.L.

Change is scary and so is trust.

Most of us tend to second guess our decisions (or actions) at one time or another, leaving us to wonder “Am I doing/did I do the right thing?”

So often in life we find ourselves faced with an important decision and a knowing— our choice will also impact those closest to us on some level.  We are aware that by acting on this decision, we will in turn be effecting change, thereby altering our lives— as we know it.  Sometimes a seemingly great opportunity presents itself and the decision comes easy. Other times we might have known for a while that nothing will get any better until we summon up the courage and take a leap. While we try our best to anticipate all the ways it can—or will—impact us, there are factors and variables to consider— making it impossible to know anything for sure.  Change is different and different can be darn right scary! But different is not by default a bad thing, what’s scary is the thoughts and the unknown. The only way to know anything for sure is to give yourself time, adjust, and pay close attention to your feelings each step of the way. In addition to listing the pros and cons, a good rule of thumb is to remember: We tend to allow our minds to overrule what we feel in our heart and know in our gut— based on fear. Fear originates in the mind therefore the feeling is actually a thought, perceived to be truth.  Your gut feelings are derived from the heart can be trusted to always guide and steer you in the right direction.

As  you may or may not know, I drive a school bus for children with special needs. Given the fact that last week was school vacation, I anticipated having time for myself to:  relax, recharge, and focus on my writing. Instead last week was an extremely trying time— for all of us in the Boston area—with the tragic events that took place at the Boston Marathon. I’m sure I speak for most when I say that being flooded with thoughts and feelings—all bad ones, all day & and night, every day, and for many days really took a toll on me. I thought I needed this vacation before but maybe I just wanted it. I am certain that I need one now.

To complicate matters, at the end of vacation week I was informed that an additional bus run was being added to my current one and a (different) larger vehicle would be assigned. I couldn’t even process this much less digest or accept it. Knowing my choices consisted of accepting it or quitting my job, I decided the only fair thing to do was to try it out for a while and see if it fits. While I’m not a fan of having to alter my life around, in so many ways, initiating as a result of someone else’s decision, I do believe there is always something for me to learn from it. All that’s required is a little patience and a lot of awareness. This also applies to any change regardless of from who it initiated.

Change is the law. Impermanence rules. ~Lama Surya Das

I never expected day two of this new bus run would end in an “AHA!” moment.  I’ve been with this transportation company for a while so I’ve driven many vehicles. I’m aware that minor flaws and quirks take a little time getting used to and that soon you no longer even notice them. Considering today was only my second day, I would never dream of complaining because I know better. But today was different. By the end of the afternoon I was scrambling to decipher whether my mind was getting the best of me or if something was really wrong with my vehicle that deemed it unsafe. I tried to pay attention in hopes of offering the mechanic something to go on but in the end all I really had was a gut feeling that I was not safe, therefore neither were the children.  I knew going in that any attempts to reassure me would not work without a most thorough work-up and extensive test drive. I was afraid they would think I’m crazy and more afraid if they found nothing wrong. Suddenly it dawned on me—this feeling is extremely familiar! Only this time I didn’t have to dig far— or at all, I spent my morning writing and while it was on a completely different topic, the experience was very similar and the feeling was the same.

I have a friend who used to tease and call me a hypochondriac and I’ll be the first one to admit, I think way too much and have tendencies to let my overactive imagination get the better of me. At the end of 1999 I started going to my PCP quite a bit. I wasn’t feeling good and something was just—not right. My symptoms were vague and could be explained by a number of things. I could not only tell that my doc was frustrated and becoming annoyed, I also understood and couldn’t blame him—yet I kept coming back. On my last visit with him, I even went as far as to come right out and state that I think I have a tumor growing somewhere inside me. He attempted to reassure me and suggested I seek some counseling. It was a matter of days before I discovered a large lump in my breast. Set up an appointment and upon arriving that day, I was informed that I would be seeing the Nurse Practitioner this time. I think the doc had enough of me. Long story short, lump confirmed , next step testing— but they can’t get me in for six weeks. I get a call from my sister whos friend has a friend that works for a Breast Surgeon in Boston, major hospital. The process was fast. Within days my very aggressive and fast growing cancer diagnosis was handed to me and my journey began.  Not long after I completed my treatments I repeated the whole process of knowing something was wrong (and where) until someone took me serious, performed a biopsy only to discover an extremely rare aggressive and deadly form of cancer. It took many years to reach a diagnosis confirming that I have a Thyroid autoimmune disease despite my persistence that something is off in my thyroid. The bottom line to this is that I would like to think I learned this lesson. I wouldn’t be here today if I betrayed my gut feelings by accepting the reassuring words offered to me. I also believe that we learn lessons and somewhere down the road, when we least expect it, we are tested on it, only somehow in disguise, and the key is to dig up the past and remember the feeling. This is not meant to imply that my learning is done because learning never ends.

 Maybe they won’t find anything wrong with the vehicle. I have no regrets nor do I want, need or seek to prove anyone wrong. Honoring my gut feeling is a lesson learned and all the proof I need. I’m paying it forward, as always, with hopes that someone will benefit in some way.

With Love and Light,

Wendy

Bridge Over Troubled Waters

One day, some years ago while struggling with something, my sister— one of my biggest supporters who I love dearly— said in reply:  “Wendy, you know you can’t save the world right?” That pissed me off and I felt my anger shoot straight up and through the roof like a reverse bolt of lightning. I told her that I was going to do it even if meant doing it one person at a time.  Challenge accepted! I was determined to prove her wrong but I never imagined that I would first have to fight for my own life —more than once.

 In hindsight it makes sense that I had to learn how to save myself first though I didn’t know that I needed saving at the time.  It took years to realize that I’m not looking to prove anyone wrong. I always felt a gap that I couldn’t explain but yearned to bridge. If only I could build a bridge over these troubled waters.

I didn’t understand as child that I had a high level of empathy giving me the ability to sense, feel, and understand the emotions of those around me. I assumed we were all the same.  Showing compassion came natural with the desire to help, in any way, following suit. It didn’t take long for me to figure out that people were not the same. I began to witness cruelty in elementary school and I’ll never forget that crushing feeling which caused my heart to ache and my mind to wonder. I’ll always remember the conversation I had with a girl I was walking home from school with one day. She said “It isn’t weird that we’re friends? I wonder what people would think if they saw us together?”  When I asked why she answered “Because I’m black and you’re Jewish. People hate   blacks and jews”.  I didn’t have a clue what she was talking about. I couldn’t possibly fathom or wrap my head around such an outrageous notion that people could hate one another without reason and by association.  None of this made any sense! It was during this time that I began to question life. On some level I’ve been on this quest ever since.

As time went on exposing me to more people and experiences, it became clear that there was so much wrong— on so many levels —and that it affected so many people! No matter who—or how— I helped, it was never enough. I felt helpless!   I began to resent the fact that I had some sort of ability to feel and a need to help that couldn’t be turned off or tuned out. I began feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders, which took a toll on me emotionally and left my spirit broken. And while I went on living my life trying to fit in by conforming to society, I never found a way to surrender, accept or reconcile— any of it. Instead I found myself fighting for my life against cancer more than once.

I cringed at the thought of leaving my children motherless because I already experienced this. I knew there had to be a way and my only option was to find it. I reeled at the thought of dying without knowing the answers! My sole to soul mission was to find a way to heal myself so that I could pay it forward in some way. Thank God I was given more than one chance and many years to figure it all out.

Navigating my way was a long, complex and painful process taking many years.  I didn’t know much, yet somehow knew there was something I needed to learn.  After years of searching for answers I stumbled upon something within myself that I didn’t recognize and decided to explore. What I learned is: What seemed so complex was actually very basic. I had been navigating through life using my mind and it formed a big gap (void). Once I began navigating from my heart and soul, a connection was found to bridge the gap. It was so basic and already part of me but it was the one part I knew nothing about—connecting to/from spirit. It’s something that cannot be simply taught with words, thought they help guide us. It isn’t until we find it —and connect— for ourselves, and within ourselves that we ever fully understand. It’s an awakening that resonates in ways you never imagined and a magnitude of love powerful enough to bridge any gap.

Never in a million years could I have guessed that my initial quest— to understand —would lead me here. I’ve been racking my brain trying to remember if I might have experienced something that foreshadowed this. Low and behold, it all began with a spark that ignited the flame occurring from a conversation between two little girls walking home from school one day. On this day I was made to see our differences and how easy it became to forget that basic part of us in where— we are the same.

Food for thought and plenty to share!

There remains so much to learn in life beyond the current academic foundation— which in my opinion, currently exists in desperate need of restructure and currently lacks a few key fundamentals.  I think most of understand that our children are the future and the world has come a long way in evolving technologically as we strive for a brighter future. While I could elaborate on my opinion of every aspect of our current educational system, my focus today is only on what I deem imperative and crucial— food for thought.

Many of us probably had a science teacher demonstrate how energy works using some sort of device where we can visually witness cause and effect. For example, ten students formed a circle. A ball was placed between two of the students who were instructed to place one of their hands on the ball and then to grab hold of the hand of the person next to them. Once it was established that all in the circle were holding hands, the energy circuit was complete and the ball lit up. One person within the circle was then instructed to let go of one their hands to demonstrate a break in the circuit which caused the light to go out. This was a basic yet important lesson in the transmission of energy.

We each have an energy field which surrounds us but can vary greatly in size and strength.  This next demonstration should expand upon the basic and hopefully result in the understanding I so desperately wish to offer:

Again we have ten students and a teacher all standing on one side of the room.  One student (we’ll call her Laura) is then instructed to move to the opposite side of the room. The teacher has an instrument with two prongs that detects energy. The prongs remain close together but will begin to separate upon the detection of energy. The teacher begins taking steps toward Laura with the instrument to establish where her energy field begins and the prongs widen once she is five feet away from Laura.  The teacher then returns back to the other side of the room where she instructs all the students to simply think something bad about Laura. The teacher then repeats the experiment to detect Laura’s energy only this time the prongs don’t detect/widen from five feet away, in fact it isn’t until she is barely one foot away that the energy is detected. The class is stunned! How can Laura’s energy field be reduced by negative thoughts directed at her? Laura’s energy field was decreased significantly because the negative thoughts/energy outweighed the positive.  So the teacher repeats this once again only the class is instructed to think something good about Laura. This time her energy field is detected from ten feet away! In order to restore her energy, the negative thoughts would have to cease.  Laura’s energy field was not only restored once the class directed positive thought, but it grew significantly once the good outweighed the bad.

To think that we are all unconsciously affected by what is around us! It's a key! We all have the ability to affect not only ourselves, but also others by what we project with our thoughts alone. Now imagine millions of angry people who want nothing more than peace in this world. How in the world can we ever expect that to manifest?!

 But there’s so much more!

We emit a field of energy that surrounds us. The size and strength of that energy field depends on our well- being as a whole, comprised of the collective condition of our body, mind and spirit. To achieve, maintain or restore a state of balance and well-being, all must be cared for, properly nourished and maintained. Most of us know the obvious— food and water keep the body going and that proper nourishment depends on what kinds of foods we choose to consume. The same is true as far as sleep and exercise are concerned.  From an individual standpoint, think about what results can manifest in your body by what you fuel it with (what foods, thoughts and activities) and how your own negativity can affect yourself—your energy— and those around you. If your energy field is small as the result of negative thoughts/feelings, illness/disease…it will no doubt in some way have an impact on those around you.

 While I could really expand upon the different ways to fuel and nourish the body, mind and spirit, I’m just going to touch upon the spirit because it relates directly to everything and everyone— both individually and collectively. This is the key most important, most neglected, overlooked and forgotten element which happens to be the core foundation within all of us. How can we expect to continue building upon an unstable and broken foundation?

 Body, mind and spirit—we all come from the same energy source/core foundation.  Our spirit (foundation) requires maintenance and nourishment too! There are many ways to do it and we all have access to tap/tune into the source to nourish and maintain our spirit yet we fail to understand that this is crucial to our foundation. Not only that but— this where all the answers are found! If you’ve ever wondered why the world is the way it is and where we went wrong, I’m telling you—it’s because we are out of tune and so far disconnected from the very source that put us here.

 If each of us would focus our shift by taking the necessary steps in caring for ourselves as a whole first, we would be restoring our individual foundation resulting with the expansion of our own individual energy field.  My mission is to find a way to shed light on the fact that we cannot repair our universal foundation to effect the healing of the current state of our world until we first— do it within ourselves! Doing this is the only way to grow the energy to the point where the good outweighs the bad. Once this happens, the bad can no longer exist.

We were all given free will to exist however we choose but I, along with many others, feel (know) it came with the intention or expectation that we would remain in touch with— and utilize– our source. It’s time to awaken and remember because our world depends on it.

 While we know that it’s impossible to get everyone on board, remember— it only takes a percentage of positive to overcome the negative.

I’ve prepared this food for thought with the same secret ingredient I use in every recipe. We all know what that is. I ask that you at least take a taste, let it digest and share it with everyone you know. There is plenty to go around.

With love and light,

W.L.L.

Mother Mary Comes to Me? Speaking words of wisdom...

I realize this may seem really out there, even for me, which makes it extremely uncomfortable yet I cannot shake this compelling force urging me to share this and asking each of you to do the same. So please, whether you believe or not, just trust this will be of help to someone and click your <3 b="" button.="" share="">

I don’t consider myself a religious person yet I believe various things that are contained in certain religious teachings.

 

The day before the attack on Boston I had a profound experience leading me to think about Mother Mary which then led me to take a picture of the sky. The moment I looked at the picture a wave of tingles spread throughout my body. Now I feel the need to talk about Mother Mary despite the fact that I know very little about her. I was not taught to include her in my life so hypothetically, if she really appeared to me, then I feel responsibility to find and pass on the core message.

The Blessed Virgin Mary appeared to this world to give us a warning. She comes to relieve the suffering. The mother of love, the mother of all, she wants us to love and to be safe. Open your hearts, show humility and love for yourself, your neighbor-for everyone. She’s inviting the entire world to prayer, urging us to include the source in our lives (God, creator, source, spirit) because it resides within the core of each and every one of us yet many fail to find a way to discover this— or they forget.  Whichever name you call your source, understand that to turn to it for help, guidance or comfort, you must find the way to tune into your core for this is what connects you— From core To core.

  We spend most of lives discovering and paying attention to that which surrounds us, neglecting what is within and what we assume to be true when THE most important truth is the foundation from which we all exist, the core. Our world cannot complete this shift of collective renewal and restoration until we shift our focus from outward to inward.

Blessed are the ones who BE.

Distance Reiki as a Thank You

Tomorrow is the big day!

This month marks 10 years since my Angiosarcoma diagnosis and next month marks 13 years since my Breast Cancer diagnosis. I am blessed and extremely grateful to be alive.

Tomorrow I will be participating in Cycle for Survival for both selfish reasons and selfless reasons. I'm riding because I want to survive and I'm riding because I want everyone to survive. I'm riding to honor of every single person who lost their battle and for those who currently battle. And I'm riding for all families and friends who have been affected in any way by this disease. I'm riding because I believe there is a cure to be discovered and we all can play a part in making it happen now.

To all who have donated to my ride or shared the link: To show my appreciation I am going to do a group Distance Reiki session on Monday evening. I can send it to you or a loved one and all I need is for you to FB message or E-mail me the name of the person and their location (ie:Mary Smith, Malden, MA). If you haven't donated and wish to be included, it's not too late. Any amount counts! ♥

http://mskcc.convio.net/site/TR/CycleforSurvival/AG_Cycle_Event?px=2446205&pg=personal&fr_id=1815

Cycle for Survival

As many of you know I was diagnosed with a very rare and deadly form of cancer-known as Angiosarcoma– in February of 2003. I will be celebrating 10 years of NED (no evidence of disease) almost to the day, by participating in this year’s Cycle for Survival on 2/8/13 at the Equinox in Boston. I am riding as a dedication to the most recent loss of a very dear friend from this disease. Love you Josephine Norcia Riley ! ♥

If you are inclined to donate to my ride, please know that 100% of all donations received go directly to cancer research.

With love and light,
Wendy

 Link to Cycle for Survival

When the time arrives where the good (positive) outweighs the bad (negative), the bad begins to fade until it disappears. It is just a theory or does it apply to EVERYTHING (on every level)?

Food for thought (and boy have I been busy thinking this through for last year or so).

I have many stories, many analogies and it all makes so much sense to me. Maybe once I once I figure out the best way to elaborate, it will make sense to enough people to outweigh the ____!

Restructure, balance, support and nourish- body, mind and spirit.

Pay it Forward

I originally posted the following story last night on Facebook in hopes to see it shared by those I know and those I don't. Sharing is a just one small way of paying it forward and paying forward is my holiday wish. Unfortunately my FB setting wasn't set correctly for shares but I got a ton of likes and comments. Thank you but I do this stuff all the time and in so many ways. It's the way it's supposed to be and shouldn't be out of the ordinary. I don't want extra credit for going out of my way to be what? Kind? I read similar stories and they all touch my heart yet I wonder why this way of life is not the norm for all humankind. Please share!

I was at the checkout counter at the grocery store. I watched as the man in front of me handed the cashier one item at a time while watching the prices being rung in. The last item he handed to the cashier was a bag of candy. He looked nervous as he handed it to her and it was then that she told him he didn't have enough. I saw the disappointment in his eyes. I felt it too. I imagined that he wanted to surprise his children when he got home with a special treat and instead of being a hero he felt like a failure. I watched him turn to leave then I picked up the candy, handed it to the cashier and asked he to ring it up on my order 1st. I ran to catch up with the man and handed him the candy. When he realized what happened, the look in his eyes spoke volumes. It touched my heart so deep yet it didn't take much to get that feeling. All I said to the man was that he deserved to enjoy this and maybe someday he'd consider paying it forward.
Simple. 

These things should happen everyday and everywhere. Giving back and paying it forward doesn't take much effort in fact, sharing this counts as paying it forward. That's my holiday wish list. Pay it forward. ♥ ♥ ♥

Who? What? Where? When? Why?

 Nervous and with a deep breath, I’m going to say it: Though I didn’t know the Who? What? Where? When?  Or Why’s of it, I’ve known since around 2006 that Oprah Winfrey and I were going to collaborate in some way to accomplish a common goal. I now know.

I began my book! Yes, I know I began it several times over the years but I only thought I did.  I finally realized that it was all just research, homework and ultimately— necessary. This time it’s for real and with the help of someone special and beyond extraordinary.

I’m taking one of the ultimate leaps of faith by proclaiming this into cyberspace: I bet my life that once Oprah reads the intro,  my purpose of spreading “Super Nick Power” will —by impacting a vast majority of our population— enact and propel a transformative and positive change on earth (as it is in Heaven).

“Settle down, soon it’ll all be clear… Just know you’re not alone…”

“Someday, someway, we’ll find a new way of living…”

I’m ready.

Namaste,

Wendy

I Need Help

The one thing blocking me from fulfilling my purpose— to be of service by utilizing my knowledge and sharing my wisdom— is the ability to communicate effectively. I can’t even convey just how much I struggle with — and I’m beginning to think there may be much more to— this than I originally thought. I’m researching ways to overcome this by perhaps taking classes with hope that practice and guidance will help me but I am now led to believe that it’s more than a skill I can learn. I think my brain is the problem and that I learn differently than the average person. Perhaps I have a learning disability.

I stumbled on a forum where someone reached out to see if there were others who struggle with this very thing and a few of the responses hit the nail on the head:

“Having to verbalize the visual images in my brain is a daunting task just by itself at times. Sometimes I wish I could just take the images and telepathically send them to other people. Would make my life a lot easier”

“My thoughts stop working when I start speaking”

"Sometimes my mind just goes blank in the middle of a conversation”

The more I read, the more I could relate. It brought me comfort to know I was not alone in my struggle. I then discovered that the forum I stumbled on was part of an Asperger’s network.

I have the inspiration, passion, ideas and various abilities to help so many people yet the one ability I lack is the one I need the most. Yes I know there is a reason for this and it’s all part of the process but right now I’m stumped and confused. I need help.

 I must find the way.

E.I.I.S and E.W.I.S

Finding the good, even if it sucks (EIIS) and especially when it sucks (EWIS) is not an easy task. One could argue that finding it is one of the most complex tasks and I agree it is! Until you get the hang of it.

---

You get the call, there’s been an accident and your brother has been hit by a truck. He has a concussion but he is going to survive (thank the lord). Your brother has had such a string of bad luck and everybody—especially he— is wondering why him?  He seems to have fallen into another rabbit hole and his faith in humanity is shot. The concept of this “accident” actually being perceived as a gift—that this accident is actually for his benefit, may seem off base to most but in fact it truly is— supposed to be— a blessing in disguise. If he follows the lead, the answers are there for him to find and his purpose will be revealed.

He got hit by a truck and could have been killed, but he wasn’t. And this was no accident either. This was/is a very large wake-up call, or perhaps he is being called upon to do some work…within. How do I know this? Because his faith in humanity is shaken. He is being tested by being forced into this seemingly dark place (once again) to find his way out;—the hard way. His previous “accidents” remain fresh in his mind yet life moved on to pretty much the same routine on the exterior. His ego continues to dominate while the spirit continues manifesting events— which some refer to as divine intervention— and often these events- suck (ie: crisis).

Thinking outside the box may not come easy for many but all the tools and resources are within our reach. The answers will ultimately be found within but the clues and signs are everywhere. Awaken and pay attention to all your senses—especially your feelings—and learn how to fuel your body, mind and spirit in ways that work for you.   In the end it’s really simple.  Once you figure it out and get the hang of it, things will begin to unfold.  What you will come to discover is… a new beginning. You have a choice to make and the free will to make it. It’s yours if you choose.

Your bad situations, events and experiences are for you just as the good ones are. They are manifested FOR A REASON! EIIS and EWIS!!

WL&L to us all,

“When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.”

Sneak Peak

How many people can accredit a balloon as being instrumental in saving them from a fate not destined (though possible) yet one hindering on a key decision?




There are a handful of people in this world who I’ve shared this story with—a story which depicts one of the most key defining moments in my life— and one which saved it by altering its direction.


With the deepest conviction one could have as a result of an unheard of event and one so profound and almost unfathomable, I feel compelled and I am determined to see my vision to fruition.


Here is a sneak peak of the actual balloon and door. For the actual story you’ll have to wait for me to finish my book and read about it unless some lucky filmmaker decides to enlist my help in creating a life-changing movie first.

Still to this day I find myself in awe over the events that occurred one day back in the year 2000. Some days it’s even (almost) difficult to comprehend the magnitude of it all and I wonder, why me? That’s when I experience what J.Lo calls “The Goosies” and am reminded how blessed I truly am.


Namaste,


Wendy

It's OK to Fall Down

Each day we are given the choice to experience events that offer significance and potential to further grow, evolve and develop within our higher selves. I need reminding now and again but the more I practice using my internal compass, the easier the events— to experience— manifest.



My methods of teaching, guiding, and of planting the seeds are by telling stories —based on examples from events in my life— in hopes of depicting it in such a way that my audience will relate on a personal level and learn to apply “the lessons” in their own life and in their own unique way. This reminds me of something that happened recently on a Saturday. I woke up that day and began to think of all the things I needed to do and began to prioritize. My first thought was to bring my dog to the dog park in the woods and that it would be nice if perhaps my niece and her dog joined us. I needed to get a few things from a Trader Joe’s that sells wine— to bring to a family event the following day— and I needed to walk my dog because we both needed exercise and fresh air. And while there was much, much more I should have/could have done, I made the decision that I would not allow myself to create a strict agenda and would remain flexible and open to go with the flow.


On the drive to pick up my niece it occurred to me that the Trader Joe’s on Memorial Drive in Cambridge sells wine and is located across the street from the Charles River. I much prefer to walk along the water so I went with the flow and changed up my itinerary.

As niece and I were walking our dogs along the Charles River I suddenly caught an uneven patch of the pavement in such a way that I could not stop myself from falling down. What surprised me is not that I fell— or the fact that I basically did a somersault—but that I sprung up so fast and so effortlessly. In the past this sort of thing might have taken days, weeks, or months of cultivation to resonate but the meaning/ lesson from this one came to me the very instant I sprung to my feet.


I explained to my niece who— at the time was very concerned by my fall— that I was not only fine, but I was wonderful!! There are times when we will fall and it will take a while to get back on our feet. There will be times when we need to ask for assistance in getting back on our feet. The bottom line is that we are all going to fall from time to time and it’s all up to us to get up. It’s up to us to know how to get back on our feet on track and to ask for help if we need it. While it may be scary at times, the more we do — the more we fall—the more we experience and the easier it becomes. Eventually our subsequent falls will barely leave a mark. Perhaps they will finally receive the recognition they deserve. After all, they exist to help us. They serve a purpose!

When we “get it”— the reason/purpose/lesson— it’s always in hindsight. What I’m discovering is that, for me, the turnaround time—between an experience and the lessons contained within them—has decreased so significantly that it sometimes creates feelings of an endorphin high. Bonus! I’ve reached the point where I am able to quickly recognize and decipher significant clues for my evolution— and with little effort. And now, almost every day I am flooded with such unique experiences that all contain a wealth of wisdom. I feel wealthy! I feel high on life. This one tiny experience contained significance for me and served as validation of how far I’ve come and as a reminder of all the work I did to get here.

Discovering your internal compass— and learning how to use it— will lead you where you need to be.

Working Hard to Succeed

 I’ve had many jobs in my life from blue collar to the corporate world. Who knows where I’d be today if I never got cancer but I know I was detoured because it wasn’t part of my plan.

Currently I’m raising two teenagers and I drive a school bus part-time. This is my job— for now. What I do for work is: finding ways to give back/pay it forward, learning new modalities in which to accomplish this, researching, researching and more researching, writing, reading and utilizing this amazing internal compass I have been blessed with.


My latest accomplishment—pictured below—is one that I take pride of for the mere fact that it has been on my bucket list since the year 2000. My children were three and six and I was a single mom enduring aggressive treatments for an aggressive breast cancer. I made the decision that I had to find a way to survive because I wanted to raise my children and help them raise theirs. Besides that, I had work to do!


When my therapist suggested Reiki I looked into it and while there weren’t many studies done on it, I somehow knew I needed it.


Reiki sessions were expensive and I had to find a way to come up with the money to at least try it. And once I discovered how beneficial it was in alleviating the side effects of my cancer treatments, I found a way to have a few more sessions.


Now fast-forward three years later to my most serious diagnosis of a very aggressive, rare cancer with very little treatment options and not much hope. I find myself once again seeking more Reiki and more money for Reiki. It just wasn’t fair! I wanted the Reiki because I knew it would make me feel better and help me through my treatments. I also felt that adding Reiki to my treatment protocol might just be the deciding factor in my survival. Maybe it was. In any case it was during this time that I decided that someday I would become certified myself so that I could make it available to others who need it— regardless of their ability to pay for it. That someday is here. That someday is now.


My success is not—nor ever will be— measured by how much money I have, but by the personal growth experienced by my audience and the number of people I can impact in a positive way.

Continuing to Marvel at Life's Experiences.

When I arrived home Sunday evening I was informed by Peter that Molly, our dog, had vomited.
Molly approached me with a toy hoping I’d play with her— which I did— and all seemed to be fine.
It had been a long day and I myself have been struggling with a cold. An evening on the couch with some take-out on the way was exactly what I needed.

As we were eating our dinner, Molly began pouting (vocally) and sulking. Once I finished my dinner she jumped up and began licking my hands the same way she does when I’ve applied lotion. One might assume she wanted food but I knew it was more than that. She was trying to tell me something.

Out of frustration she jumped down and proceeded to stare at me with a look I’ve seen a few times before which is sort of a distraught, deranged look. I brought this to Peter’s attention. I either suddenly had a hunch, or perhaps my dog communicated with me telepathically. Hey I don’t know anything for sure but I’ve experienced some pretty unusual things.

I motioned to the dog to sit on my lap at which time I positioned her, stretched out on her back, and began giving her Reiki. With each had position I performed, Molly would let out a soft, high pitched moaning sound. I don’t about Peter but I was feeling a little freaked out—but in a good way— and full of anticipation.

The very moment I finished Molly’s session she leapt up, jumped to the other side of the couch and began jumping, digging—frolicking! And then she looked at us. What we both saw was joy in her eyes. It was like looking at a different dog within the span of 5 minutes. It was amazing.

My dog didn’t feel well and knew I could help her. My dog asked for Reiki!!!!

The fact that we can communicate with all living things on so many levels is amazing. The fact that my dog knew she needed Reiki is fascinating! What better proof could you ask for?

Happy Cancerversary to me!

While in traffic the other day, a beautiful blue vehicle caught my eye. To my surprise and delight, the name of the vehicle was Compass. This word has such significant meaning to me and my existence and it seems to appear at key moments. I’ve always had a great sense of direction when it came to driving but I discovered that it goes far deeper than navigating streets, freeways and interstates. My internal compass has, essentially, saved my life.



Today marks my nine year anniversary from my diagnosis of a — very rare and difficult to treat— form of cancer known as Angiosarcoma, which is reported to have five year survival rate of 20%. Next month will mark twelve years since my diagnosis of Breast Cancer and Melanoma.


I am no stranger to cancer or many other forms of adversity and I’m often asked how I survived. There’s no easy answer to this question. The very thing that tried to kill me in fact saved me and redirected me to the path (I veered from on more than one occasion)—and purpose of my existence.


Since I was a little girl, I’ve always been someone who wanted to be of service to others and make a difference in this world. At some point, after completing my treatments, I decided I needed to write a book. Why do survivors feel the need to write a book? Is it coincidence that most of the people who have tremendous passion and advocate for a variety of causes are those who have overcome extreme adversity? What did these people discover on their journey that they might not have, if not for their being forced into the face of said adversity? Does illness, trauma, tragedy all contain potential to lead us to transformation or do they manifest for the sole (SOUL) purpose of direction? Do they serve a purpose and can we learn from them? -Yes!


Would we learn the lessons contained within these experiences without them?


I had to learn everything the hard way but what I’ve come to discover is: when all is said and done, it’s really not so hard at all, in fact it all boils down to fundamental basics and learning to use our internal compass.


I shall continue: Writing my book and blog, being a volunteer at the hospital giving Reiki to patients, advocating for my many passions, being there for all who seek my help and seeking ways to best utilize my potential.


Wisdom may come with age but begs to be sought.


Today—like every day—I celebrate life by giving back and paying it forward with hope that I’ve made a positive impact on others. I might just indulge and dream about owning a blue Jeep Compass with a moon roof too!